Friday, November 21, 2008

On with The SHOW!!!!!!

Empty spaces - what are we living for
Abandoned places - I guess we know the score
On and on
Does anybody know what we are looking for?

Another hero another mindless crime
Behind the curtain in the pantomime
Hold the line
Does anybody want to take it anymore?

The show must go on
The show must go on, yeah
Inside my heart is breaking
My make-up may be flaking
But my smile still stays on

Whatever happens I'll leave it all to chance
Another heartache, another failed romance
On and on
Does anybody know what we are living for?
I guess I'm learning
I must be warmer now
I'll soon be turning round the corner now
Outside the dawn is breaking
But inside in the dark I'm aching to be free

The show must go on
The show must go on - yeah
Ooh inside my heart is breaking
My make-up may be flaking
But my smile still stays on

Yeah, oh oh oh

My soul is painted like the wings of butterflies
Fairy tales of yesterday will grow but never die
I can fly - my friends

The show must go on - yeah
The show must go on
I'll face it with a grin
I'm never giving in
On with the show

I'll top the bill
I'll overkill
I have to fight the will to carry on
On with the
On with the show

The show must go on, go on, go on, go on ...

The day after my grandfather died, I dreamed about this song. I knew the song, but didn't pay much attention to it because I wasn't the "only lyrics kinda guy". From that night on I started to concentrate only on lyrics.

My grandfather was the only male around me while growing up, because my father died when I was 4. So you can call him my second father. I loved him very much, and his death made me cry like never before.

After I dreamed about this song I instantly got it on MP3 for I had only owned it on tape. I listened to it, and honestly, it was very hard to hold my emotions back:) I listen to it when I'm low and it helps me to get some power.

The death of my grandfather was 4 years ago on the 20th of November... Since then, The Show Must Go On from Queen has become my favorite song, not only because of my grandfather, but because I have the feeling that it is about me.

Friday, November 14, 2008

Honor

"They say, Japan was made by a sword. They say, that the old God's dipped a coral blade into the ocean, and when they pulled it out, four perfect drops fell back into the sea, and those drops became the islands of Japan. I say, Japan was made by a handful of brave men. Warriors willing to give their lives, for what has seems to become a forgotten word: HONOR..." - these are the starting thoughts of a film, which has shaped my personality the most, a film which I have seen many times, but still has a huge emotional impact on me every time I watch it, this film is... The Last Samurai.

How can we define Honor? I will try to observe it from 3 different aspects;
I. The Movie
II. The World of Today
III. Those, who TRY...

I.
The movie shows its intentions of what it is trying to say from the very beginning. Honor cannot be defined as a rule or anything else. It lives with us, in us. It is not a word, but a way of life, just like love... Honor is something more precious then human life itself. People who follow this code, have dedicated their lives and are willing to sacrifice it for this, as many would think, simple word.

It is about discipline and respect. Respect to your environment, and home. Respect to your loved ones and habits, but most importantly, respect to others, even to your enemies. Respect is not represented by only words, for a follower of this code says only what he must and knows that with each and every word he says he carries responsibility towards himself, and others. With your actions, however, you can say more than any other word, and with even your silence, you represent your values.
Defeat is unacceptable. On the battlefield you fall, but your life doesn't end in shame, but throughout your code and the way you have lived, you can close your eyes in peace, knowing that you died for what you believed in, and stood up for. The perfect death... to die with Honor.

II.
The movie says that today, Honor is a forgotten word. Is it? Or is it just silenced by policy and wealth, by people who care only about themselves, and don't even think abut others, not even once.

Honestly, I would like to believe that those claims are not true. In my opinion, Honor has become out of fashion. People show no respect towards each other, and favor their interests above anything else. Some show no respect even to themselves, and therefore become dishonest.

I am no one to judge, but if this is not the case, if the world we see hasn't become selfish and careless, then what?

III.
There are very few people out there who have dedicate their lives to the code of Honor, which can mean many different things to many individuals. There are few, or are they just in the pantomime?

Those who see some of these values and try to cope with them have a very hard life. Many people see them, but don't pay attention to them, because I know, that I am not the only one who saw the movie and was touched by it, still I can't find many other people thinking in a similar way. The movie didn't create this way of life, it has only showed it.

Honestly, those living with the code - as I named it - don't really want to make their voices heard, because who would wanna speak to ears, that cannot hear? Instead try to live their lives, as best as they can. Respect others, and themselves, and to not regret that, what they have said and done.

Still, things can get difficult, when you are declared a show-off. A dishonest person, who hides his face in a mask of arrogance and pride. Who has no heart and has no good will. Who cannot love and is a complete nobody, who thinks he is a somebody.

Who sometimes drops tears where nobody can see, who feels sorry for those who are in trouble and helps if possible. Who loves his friends like brothers and sacrifices himself without a word, so that they can have it easier. Who has something in him ready to be unleashed, not a soldier, but a warrior. Who says his prayers and asks for the same things every night; a new love, a new chance, a new world... a world in which the soul hasn't been replaced with the mind.

So you see it is hard :) Not too many people will read this entry, I guess. It is too long and the topic may not be of interests to everyone, but still I hope from the depths of my heart that some people will read and understand it, but yet again, I will not get too illusional and just keep on living my life like I did before.

I am in some way relaxed. I am happy that Baby on Board 2 - Father had won the "Entry of the Week" prize, because then, I won't have to listen to this entry in front of the whole class, 'cause I think that it would make an uncomfortable atmosphere arise.

Those who had the patience to read it, thank you. I hope I could give some advice or just make you spend some time and not be bored :)

Sunday, November 9, 2008

Baby on Board 2 - Father

She's gone! Rebeca is gone, and maybe for good. She and her family moved to England. The only chance of me seeing her is if I went to England myself. Which is easier sad than done. According to plan; I'm gonna go there for 1 month and stay with them and work. They say that if you can speak good English and stuff it is easier to get a well paid job. I'm planning to come home with a big stash of doe.

But enough of that and let's get back to the finishing part of Baby on Board. While Rebus was with us she grew to my heart, but only as a relative, but as a baby. I've been imagining myself as a father for some time saying that I would do this and that and say that and this, but it wasn't until now that I realized that I am far from being a GOOD Father. Making a baby is easy, even satisfying, and you don't have to pay much attention to it if it's there you just give food and shelter, some couple of tips for life and that's it. Well, if you think it is that easy then you are a fucking bad parent, or gonna be:D

Having a baby and helping him grow up isn't only responsibility, it is much more than that. You have to realize that each and every thing you do will affect the baby's life. With your actions you can make him a low-life, or a responsible adult. Now comes my problem; I do not have the proper wisdom and the right words to say, yet. It would take me another 10 years to be in perfect shape for this kinda thing. It is then till I have enough experience and intelligence to help my child and show the right path, to teach it manners, to be responsible, to do some kind of sport (I'd prefer football), to respect other people and to stand up for his rights, to be an honest person and to never do things in which he cannot be himself.